im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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