is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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