we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame