Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time