Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants