found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.