I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like