i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID