i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".