I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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