Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How drunk are you?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.