shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.