I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.