remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.