During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
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woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem