I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops