He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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