non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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