someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
