i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
