he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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