did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
