I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
