well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
