yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize