If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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