i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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