Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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