people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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