Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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