If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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