my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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