Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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