I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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