life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
