I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
As shirtless as possible
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
