Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
