Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
