Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I CAN MOONWALK!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
