he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's blow job season.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
