We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
