You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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