So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
