help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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