my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
