this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
