YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize