we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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