If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
