how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
