i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
