Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I AM VODKA MAN
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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