No stitches, just platelets and will power
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
