Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she smelled like a LAN party
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
