I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.