oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records