It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?