Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...