Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
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im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him