I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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