im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow