He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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