Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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