Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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